Pseudo Prose

I'm Back

2007-11-05T13:28:00.000-08:00

Geesh - finally back after a long hiatus and some serious troubleshooting. Thanks, Google, for a super quick response! Pretty amazing.

Much to tell...much to talk about. But this, only to update the date.

Life is as confusing as always...but you press on.

Tortoise

2004-05-23T18:19:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard of the band Tortoise, I suggest you check them out very soon. They are actually playing at the Showbox on Friday night (the 28th), which should be an amazing show. They are purely instrumental and experimental, playing what you might term as "Avant Garde Jazz", but not quite. They dabble in different beats, hybrids of musical genres, and everything else you could imagine.

I'm listening to their latest release right now, and the first track is somewhat of a marriage of latin percussion and electronica. It's really fascinating.

Another reason to check them out is their website. They take a totally different approach to a band site. They have an open forum and their own online radio station, which plays music they dig. This is a novel idea, as it exposes their fans to other styles of obscure music that they might not have been privvy to before.

Check 'em out:

Official Tortoise Home Page

More Random Thoughts

2004-05-16T19:20:00.000-07:00
I love my plants. I spend an awful lot of time watering them, talking to them and encouraging them to grow and not leak on the hardwood floor. But they still rebel. Those insubordinate little shits (well, one big shit).

Someone recently told me of these crazy stories about a guy who hooked up a lie detector machine to plants and discovered that they have incredibly human-like qualities. That they have apparant sensory control, they can feel and react to individuals and to situations. A sort of inherent, intelligent sensory perception.

I checked it out. There seems to be a lot of information out there about this guy, named Cleve Backster, who actually conducted these tests with some amazing results. Here are a few links, read up and make the call:

Pure Insight Website - very, very strange spiritual, cultist kind of site

The Skeptics Dictionary

Some Strange CedarCrest Site

Laziness

2004-05-16T19:13:00.000-07:00
Laziness can be beautiful. It is inherently addictive and unforgiving. But I suck at it.

everything I try to be lazy, I end up feeling incredibly guilty. Especially if it's a beautiful day out. And I start doing something. Something productive, something needed, something really silly just to convince myself that I am indeed not being lazy. Hmmm. . .some strange psychology there.

I do have some incredibly lazy friends. And man am I jealous of them. I hear all the stories of just enjoying life, smelling the flowers, hanging out on the couch and having no worries in the world. I am fluorescent green with envy. But I will still fault them for it. Like, "oh man. . .must be nice. I had to mow the lawn, do homework, work on the car, rehearse with the band, blah, blah, blah. . . ." Like I have no choice. They just snicker because they know I have a choice and I just can't help myself. I am compelled, obsessed. I like to call it my "OCD." You down with OCD? / Yeah you know me!

It's the Obsessive Compulsive thing and I think it runs in the family. Thanks, Dad. Now let me get back to the couch. . . after I finish one more thing!

Psychology of War

2004-05-11T16:55:00.000-07:00
It's not a huge surprise to me that the incidence of Iraqi abuse at Abu Gharib has suddenly come to light. It's still shocking, and a bit strange (who would really want to stack prisoners naked, then sit on top of them and take a picture?), but not a shocker.

This is the psychology of war.

It breaks people down to the barest primal being. It brings out the evil and anger in people. If you read about the conditions at the prison, the constant threat of being attacked, the constant threat of prisoner revolt, the stories of how the prisoners were murderers and sadistic rapists, you can start to see where the guards are going to view them as sub-human and then act out on abusive thoughts. You have to view your enemy as sub-human in order to rule over them, to control them, to kill them.

And most of the guards there are merely kids. Not aware cognitively enough to handle the environment and the situation. So they humiliate their captives.

I'm not justifying what they have done. I can just see where it stems from.

And now it feeds the Arab world with the notion that one tortuous dictator has been replaced with another. Not good.

Small World

2004-05-07T15:03:00.000-07:00
So I get this crazy e-mail the other day - from someone who obviously knows me, someone from my past, but I can't quite figure out who it is. And I get a little freaked out. "Who is this?" "How did they know about that?"

So I respond back, and it turns out it's Mr. Dennis Bodine. Db! Blast from the past. We used to jam in San Francisco. In a kick-ass band that he led called "Hitch." Wow. I was blown away. That was back in 1995-1996. How cool it was to hear from him. I had such a good time jamming with that bad. It was pretty hardcore. Unlike anything I'd heard before and mucho fun to play. It was extremely challenging to my drum skills and I busted out the huge kit to rock with these guys. It was hella fun.

And that's the beauty of the Web. I'd always wondered what happened to those guys. I split and didn't keep in touch. But this has opened up a door. Was good to get caught up. Hitch continued for a while and did some recording, but then disbanded. You can hear what they did right here. It's not me on the recording. . .wish it was.

But, we had one song that made rotation on one of the local stations, and I'll never forget driving down the road one day in like, Palo Alto or somewhere, and hearing the song. I had to pull over. It was raining and I just sat and soaked it in. Very cool.

Marriage May-Day a Religious Mind Control

2004-05-03T13:06:00.000-07:00
I don't get the whole push for the man/woman only marriage ammendment. I just don't get it. I mean, who cares? What harm are same-sex couples causing the hetero-marriage zealots? What's the damage being done?

The Marriage May-Day cult festival at Safeco Field on Saturday just smacks of mind control by the Religious Right. Did you see the front page photo on yesterday's Times? Ms. Horton and her bullhorn that she calls "O Magnify the Lord." Frightening. So, what she's really saying is that she's the lord because it's magnifying her shrill and ignorant voice.

I don't want to get belligerent. I consider myself to be a spiritual person, but I also like to think for myself. I don't want an organized group of people who believe that a document written hundreds and hundreds of years ago should be strictly adhered to in our modern society to tell me how to live. Tell me what's right and what's wrong. A lot has changed since the days of Jesus. We need to adapt and evolve. If we don't, we remain ignorant, lifeless slaves who follow a script that hasn't changed since before the dark ages.

I believe in some of the fundamentals of religion - forgiveness, love, understanding, sharing, equality. Shouldn't these elements let us celebrate all people? Be more flexible and tolerant? Accept people even though they may not have the same beliefs as us?

That's my goal.

Birthday Blues

2004-04-30T09:59:00.000-07:00
36. In two days.

Holy crap that scares me just a bit. Thinking about being that nearer to middle age is something a little unsettling. I'm sure these things are different from male to female. Men seem to measure successes by age; determining whether or not they are where they planned to be at that age, financially, socially, whatever. Women seem to be more worried about wrinkles and vericose veins. Not all, those are just the basic stereotypes.

But, I should be happy about a birthday. Gifts and attention and all that. Truth is, I can't seem to line up any type of party. And if I did, I'd probably crap out at around 11:00 pm. I just don't have the gusto for it anymore.

When I was in my twenties, I think I consumed more alcohol than is humanly allowed, slept only three hours a night, and was always in the midst of chaos. Attracted to the chaos. Now I want to avoid the chaos and be in bed by midnight (or working on my computer).

It's pretty sad, but I guess that's growing up.

Journalists Cooking Stories

2004-04-23T14:20:00.000-07:00
I'm beggining to wonder how much you can truly believe in the press anymore. I mean, I've studied journalism, and understand the pitfalls of believing everything you read in print, but it just seems that more and more false journalists are being exposed to the public. There's Stephen Glass of the New Republic, a young reporter who "cooked" up dozens of stories. Just simply made them up and then covered his tracks with falsehoods backed by vague notes. He did this to win praise and elevate his esteem. I belive they just recently made a movie about it.

Then of course the reporter from the NY Times, Jayson Blair, who was trusted by the top editors and given a lot of room to roam. He too cooked up a number of stories, making up quotes and situations, the whole time reeling in his new-found popularity and rise to the top.

And now Jack Kelley from the USA Today, who apparantly made up a whole litany of stories about his international trips and experiences on the ground with the American military and various other factions involved in the recent conflicts between countries. His editors were snowed. And now they're resigning to avoid the heat.

It's amazing that with such a "foolproof" system of checking, editing and re-checking that these stories still get published.

I think it has a lot to do with the cut-throat competition that has evolved in the industry. You have to beat your competition and make the deadline at all costs, especially with today's technology, and that seems to overshadow the importance of ensuring your story is accurate, let alone your story is worth a shit.

The Last Day

2004-04-20T15:03:00.000-07:00
Three years was a long time ago. Sometimes time flies by and you don't realize how much has transgressed. There are many monumental events; some regrettable, some forgetable, others worth cherishing for the rest of your life. It's all relative. And it all comes back to you and the relationships you have. It's all intermingled. As much as I want to be unsociable sometimes, as much as I just want to blend into the woodwork, I need to have relationships. I need the interaction, the ideas, the dialogue, the fun, the love.

A lot has happened in three years. 9-11. Iraq. A marriage. A tour of Italy. The Palestinian uprising. The death of a friend. The birth of a neice. The birth of two pseudo-neices. The start of school. The end of a job. The start of a new job.

These all defiine who you are. I hope that my frame of reference continues to grow and others step in. I can't say enough how much I want to understand the world and humanity more every single day. There just isn't enough time to soak it all in. And I don't think I have enough brain cells!

Today I say goodbye to a few. And Monday I'll say hello to a few more.

Class Exercise

2004-04-13T19:49:00.000-07:00
We just did this exercise in class - thought it would be perfect for my blog post!

Things that are important to me:
Obviously, there are those things that are essential that are important to me. These include the basics of Maslow’s theory of needs. Food, love, sleep, etc. Yes – I love sex and I love to eat. But there are many essential things that are not as tangible.

Contentment.
If I could sum it up in one word, it would be that. The feeling that no matter where you are or what you have or who you know, you’re OK; and everything else is OK. This is a difficult junction to reach and may have something to do with my never-ending curiosity and wanderlust. I feel like I keep searching for that all-relaxing moment of fulfillment. But something tells me it may never arrive.

I’ll just keep searching until I have a grand epiphany, or I die.

Things that bring me joy:
The tender touch of my lovely wife in the middle of the night. The feel of her warm body next to mine. The smell of coffee on a Sunday morning – with the birds singing outside the window and the newspaper on the front lawn, still moist with dew. Hiking up into the mountains with Stephanie. Taking pictures of her and the natural beauty around us.

Jamming with my friends. Just playing music and drinking beer, swearing, getting silly, not caring about anything but the music and the company and cold bottle waiting after the next song.

Playing live on stage. No greater feeling of joy. Hearing the audience scream their approval at the end of the song.

Italy

2004-04-13T12:45:00.000-07:00
Italy is perhaps the most beautiful country I've ever seen and experienced. All of the pictures that I'll be rotating on this blog I took last year on a visit through the country.

I've been to many countries in Europe, the Middle East, and North America; and Italy by far is my favorite. It is a total delight to all senses. Taste, smell, touch, see, hear. . .the fresh, natural foods; the bouquet of red wine, the feel of ancient granite, the sounds of the birds outside Rome's window. Amazing.

Perhaps it's my heritage - being of Italian descent. I've always heard how wonderful the life is. How the Italians cherish life and live a little slower.

Guess I need to learn the language and move there. I would be quite content with that! Although, I'd be fighting the Italian men away from my wife every single day. They do love the blonde American girls.

Soldiers

2004-04-09T09:11:00.000-07:00
I served in the first Gulf War. Something I used to tout when I was younger and majority sentiment favored the US's action in liberating Kuwait. I always felt we were doing something good, although it was a tough cost. Of course, I've never been completely ignorant nor brainwashed, so I knew there were major US interests at stake. And we were'nt invading Iraq just for the sake of liberating a nation taken under siege by Saddam. But I still felt proud.

Can't say the same today. Never agreed with the action that's taking place right now. There was no reason to invade Iraq other than our acrimonious president's desire to seek revenge.

There are so many angles.

I am opposed to the war, yet I am reserved in protesting too loud. Not necessarily because I have weak convictions, but because I know what it's like. I know what it's like for those guys down there on the ground. Sweating, working their asses off 24/7, risking their lives every single day. They want to believe they are there for a good and just cause. They have to. If they all thought this was a stupid idea, they would all get killed, instantly. The will to perservere would dissolve. They wouldn't be able to trudge on as required to stay alive in that hostile pit.

In the end those men and women on the ground are fighting for the fellow comrades. Many, I'm sure, understand how unjust this war is. How unnecessary. But they have to believe in something to continue. And so they fight for their brothers and sisters. To keep them alive and make sure they come home safe.

And that is really what the protesters and anti-war crusaders are all about. Bringing home our people safe. Don't let them die - leaving a wake of grieving, empty families, lifetime scars - for one administration's pet peeve. It's bullshit. Those kids just want to do something with their lives and the patriotic calling had good timing. It did for me.

I think about all the people I served with and how incredible they are. I still keep in touch with many of them. Most have evolved enough to see things more clearly. I don't know what I'd do if I lost one of them. It would be crushing. And that's what our troops are dealing with every day.

The Mall

2004-04-07T15:01:00.000-07:00
I spent some time walking around downtown Seattle today. Just on a lunch break. I do that from time to time. There's something about the city streets that beckon. I want to wander out, observe, listen in, perhaps converse.

I hung out on 3rd and Pike for a bit, then 4th and Pike. Seems to be the central gathering for the despondants of the city. The down-and-out. The remnants of old skid row. I'm fascinated. Perhaps because most of the guys I ran with growing up in a rough neighborhood in Denver turned out to be exactly the same. Living on the streets. Substance abuse. Unwanted pregnancies. The devastation of poverty. What brings it about?

One friend of mine, probably my best friend while I was in Jr. High School, is now dead of substance abuse. They found him in downtown Denver. On the street. No home. Just dead. I always tried to help him over the edges, but he kept drifting to the dark.

Another friend, talented kid, dropped a lot of acid and went after a cop with a monkey wrench. He's in prison. And yet another is finishing a 4-year prison sentence in Canyon City, once home to Timothy McVeigh and the Unabomber, for repeatedly getting caught dealing crack cocaine.

I loved those guys, but I saw the pattern that really began to evolve when we reached about 18. Things got bad. I barely made it through high school. They all dropped out a year earlier. I made what turned out to be a good call by joining the Air Force at 19. I got shipped off to Germany and they kicked my ass. It was good. I needed the structure, the discipline, and I believe mostly the courage and confidence to know that I could achieve things for myself. That a lot of things were possible. That you can never get so down that you can't bounce up again.

My friends all had what appeared to be great parents, great homes. Maybe not all of them. But every family has its dirty secrets. I found out a few of them later in life, which explained why one guy never had any trust in anyone. That's what happens when you're victimized young. You're robbed of emotions and mental stability and trust in others.

I wonder how many of the kids (and old folk) I see lingering around 4th and Pike started out just like me and my friends. And how many have made it out.

I wish I had foolproof solution to keep all kids out of the darkness.

Ledge Dancing

2004-03-31T16:31:00.000-08:00
Ever feel like you're on the verge of several major changes in your life? Like standing on a windswept bluff under gray skies. Inching closer to the edge. Looking down into a seemingly endless fall. Knees shaking. Stomach tightening.

The fear of what lies after the leap.

I've been standing on several cliffs. Tepidly testing the foundation of each rim, not unlike dipping a toe into the stagnant pool just to make sure it's warm enough for the rest of you. Problem is, the foundations don't tell you much. They may appear solid and supporting, but once you step onto them, they give like a $2 plastic chair.

I don't care. Lately I want to take as many leaps as possible. I've already taken two. And they have brought me to saturated exhaustion. This boy is exhausted. Hashed. Tucked. But still running for the next ledge.

Now I'm peering off another. It looks tantalizing. It's a little scary as well. I'm trying to test the temperature, but I feel nothing. Nothing but the damp air. It's refreshing and feels good on the skin.

I think I'll take another leap.

Musical Revolutions

2004-03-30T21:14:00.000-08:00
Music is the only true savior. It takes on so many variations and appeals to every individual on so many varying levels. It awakens senses, memories. . .holds a lot of power in sentimentality. It can evoke every emotion: Anger, joy, sadness, despair. It is truly an expression.

I've been playing music for years. Well, I've primarily been a percussionist, and most people feel this is the least musical of the instruments. But it is the root of them all. And I try to consider myself to be a musical drummer. Hows that for self-fulfillment.

Here's a band I've been involved with for a while. Knoxturnal. The brain child of Chirs Knox, who is a wonderfully gifted and unique individual. Extremely talented, funny and well-liked. Kind of a smart-ass, too. But that's his beauty.

You should hear some of the music. The lyrics are quite enligtening as well.

You've heard the joke, right? What do they call a guy who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

Enlightenment

2004-03-30T20:30:00.000-08:00
Enlightenment is often an accident. An unanticipated act of introspection, an unscheduled epiphany, an unguarded moment of open mind. We should all allow such possibilities. I need it the most. Thus my completely ambiguous Blog. I am in the stage of discovery. Where everything is ripe for knowledge and I want to view all sides. Learn all the intracacies. Know the truth in the end. Even if the truth is never exposed.

This can include politics, music, history, sociology. Primarily I am interested in human behavior and the nature of our social infrastructure and how it is affected by technology and mass media. Awareness.